Chapter Text
ANDREAS
One month ago I had learned the identity of the woman that would change my life. Elain was not just an angel, but probably the one that waited for you at the pearly gates too. Her hands clapped together loudly as my eyes darted back to her and the whiteboard next to her. "Then you'll give the group a twirl 'round the meadow and the lambs'll butter 'em right up." her Scottish accent seeped through and I came to the conclusion that maybe Scotland was a gateway to heaven. I nodded. "And we are certain that none of them are afraid of sheep?" Wren crossed her arms and shot a dark look into my direction. I raised my hands defensively. "Just asking. Wouldn't want to come across as disrespectful." Elain shook her head, she didn't seem to catch onto the fact that I was purposefully getting on Wren's nerves, a thank-you for her daily fan-hymns about this vice president.
"Nae c*nt." now she was full on in the Scottish and I frowned. Nae c*nt? Oh, right, that meant no one. Right. "They can bosie with the wee lambs and then you get them blootered and bam!" she clapped again. "Long live the king!" was her winking finish. Wren tried to stifle a laughter and I solemnly nodded. Elain was the anointed planer for the social events that our political guests would partake in. She was an eccentric and yet somehow down to earth woman with dark blond hair that was never combed, but held back by her pink framed glasses, that complimented her round face only when she was reading from her battered notebook. Her ideas seemed very out of place at first, but not long and I had warmed up to her and now I trusted her blindly. "Thank you. We'll meet again tomorrow?" I asked, Elain made me promise to have tea and a sliced cucumber ready and then she left as vibrantly as she did anything.
Wren narrowed her eyes and looked down on me, sitting on the sofa. "Afraid of lambs? Are you f*cking with me?" she asked with a pressed voice. I stood up and co*cked my head. "I am. I know that you know our guests first pets name by now, but your newly formed love for a woman that insults our country every chance she gets is not only irritating but making me wonder whether your beloved vice president is interested in a media manager?" as my smirk grew her frown did too. Nothing got under perfectionistic skin as easily as any implication that she hadn’t done enough research or overlooked and important detail. I had won and those victories against Wren were few and small, so I cherished them. "You'd be cancelled by now without me, King Walloper." she hissed and made use of the Scottish that Elain had bought into the palace. "I could use that as my OnlyFans name, thanks Wren." I patted her shoulder and left the room. King Walloper did have a ring, as opposed to the english version of the word: King Stupid Penis. People in Scotland seemed to have a lucky hand with those melodic words.
---✩---
My dear family arrived fifteen days after the birth of my business idea if being king didn't work out and I had to make money with a certain website. Why I knew the exact number of days? Because Loretta mailed that evening with the date and I had started to count the days I had left of peace and serenity. My schedule was still packed to the brim but nothing compares to the force that was this part of the von Ascheberg dynasty.
I waited in front of the palace, the event was live streamed, just how my aunt loved it. Ernest helped her out of the limo and she sighed wistfully, waved to the camera and the crowd that had gathered and leisurely walked over the gravel towards me. A group of young women and men were carrying their bags. I even spotted a plant the size of a dog. Speaking of which, Loretta and Ernest prided themselves with their hell trio of wiener dogs. Pardon, dachshunden. Mozart, Bach and Wagner were royal by their own right, German breeding and a family tree that rivalled mine.
"My king." she curtsied and held out her habd, which I gently took into my own and raised to my lips. "Auntie, uncle. My pleasure." I greeted them with all the dignity a royal needed, at least until the doors were closed and Loretta let out a loud breath. "All this publicity!" her dramatic exclamation was met with a low huff by Ernest. "You love it, diamond." he stated and she latched onto his arm and grinned, turning her face towards me. "I admit, I do." as if that had been a secret. We strolled through the castle to the guest wing, taking our time because Loretta had to tell me in great detail about their journey. We were repeatedly overtaken by the baggage carriers.
"... and then this little ugly little child slammed his food on our table and threw the rest up! In the middle of the corridor! That was carpet, Andy you understand? The first class on the dawn-trains are for people with class or at least etiquette! That brat had neither!" Ernest nodded supportively and I joined in. Usually Loretta and I complained about these things together, but my phone lit up with a mail titled "Extension of the guest list!" and I sighed. Wren had teased that she was thinking about extending some international and non-political invitations. Loretta paused. "Honey, everything alright?" I rubbed my chin and smiled. "Certainly. Wren has simply added some names to the guest list."
Before I could properly finish that sentence, Loretta basically pressed her cheek to mine and read through the list. "Verena Fernwood? Oh this is like Christmas! And-" she gasped, turned to Ernest and smirked. "Forgive me, love, but Chase DeSalle is on this list." Ernest raised an eyebrow. "One of these weird American billionaires?" Loretta waved her hand dismissingly. "That doesn't matter. He's also on the list of hot younger men I want to f*ck before my hair falls out." I blinked. Ernest laughed when he saw my reaction. "You'll learn the secret to a good marriage when you find a good partner, don't you worry!" and then Loretta joined in, as did I. They were like a f*cked up version of a perfect fairy-tale couple, which was something admirable.
When we arrived at the guest wing with their own designated rooms I excused myself to take care of king business. Which meant that I called Wren and asked her why the hell I needed a f*ckable (as deemed by my auntie) billionaire and the new owner of some sex-toy and beachwear brand. "Because this is how you stay on top of the social media game. Don't forget why you hired me. Having politicians is nice, but you need these connections for publicity. And because that billionaire Loretta wants to bed is one of the few finance bros that knows how to invest and expand. A birdie told me, that he is interested in making some deals with you in order to strengthen our economy." I nodded slowly. That was at least something. I was still in the dark about Miss Fernwood's relevance for this, but she was a business woman and thus an interesting addition to the boring ministers.
---✩---
The palace was bustling with energy and concentrated preparations. I felt surprisingly calm, I supposed that came from the boot camp that Elain and Wren had put me through the last week. The joke I had made about Wren knowing the names of their first pets - I now knew almost everyone's birth place. Whyever that was the case. I didn't plan on making Smalltalk based on the fact that Mrs. Rotburg was born in Kel, one of our harbour cities, which burned down two years after her birth, which was why her family had to move to the mountains because her mother couldn't sleep next to large bodies of water after that event. I mean, if anyone could turn that into a charming conversation topic it was certainly me. But nonetheless my focus remained on the vice president and after the recent changes the American investor.
My team had groomed and polished me until I felt like a pure bred cat on display for one of those adorable videos on the internet. I refrained from wearing a crown, deciding to approach this more modern-minded. And also because I'd sweat like sh*t under that monstrous thing. The entrance would be livestreamed, as the vice president and some of her colleagues arrived at the front gates. I stood in front of the enormous doors that led into the halls of the palace. A carpet was draped over the steps I stood on.
Precisely on time a dark red limousine drove down the path to the palace. The people outside the gates to the palace grounds cheered and screamed. The photographers next to me started snapping pictures of me, the crowd and the car. My heart picked up speed, my smile didn't falter once. Why would it? This was a normal meeting and no matter what she said in the interviews, vice president Charlotte Attica was not here to ruin me or my country, surely.
